Hustle burns, flow earns - 6 lessons after 2,700 coaching hours(and many failures)...

After being in the personal development industry for about 14 years, and having completed approximately 2,700 coaching hours in a 1:1 environment, here are some insights that I've discovered for business owners (and I am one myself).

1. Operating from Core Values:

Operating from the stance of core values makes business simpler, more effective, hassle-free, and low stress (if any). Everything is easier when things are in flow.

When people do what they love, there's a sense of lightness and freedom. It allows time to spend with loved ones, create memories, and do things that really matter.

Yes, hustle also works; I've done that too. So does the stress on my mind and body, and the levels of unhappiness.

2. Answers are Within:

Answers are on the inside, not on the outside. There is too much fluff and too many distractions out there. Listening to your inner voice, guidance, and intuition is the key to happiness and an aligned business.

I was looking in the wrong direction – outside – which only made me confused. That also works, but it's extremely unfulfilling.

3. Discovering The Path:

On my path to discover myself and what I'd love to do in life, I started interviewing successful people. I learned that, in my research, successful people fall into only three categories:

a) Those who knew what they wanted to do all their life since an early age (e.g., my stepdaughter, who has known she wanted to work with horses since she was 11 years old).

b) People who inherited a family business and somehow love it (some don't).

c) And then there is the rest of us, just about 95% of all people, who have to figure it out along the way.

I had to figure it out, and it took me the longer route (because I was stubborn and didn't listen).

It doesn't take years to figure out what someone would love to do – it can take about 5-7 minutes with the test I have now. Convenient, isn't it?

Also, we have been told a half-truth: "Do what's interesting to you; that's the way."

The truth is, "the way" is, by pure luck, if other elements aren't in place: excitement, importance, and deep fulfillment.

I've learned that vision, or an end destination, or whatever someone would love to do, works like a charm if all elements are present:

Things that are interesting, important, exciting, and deeply fulfilling = doing what you love, a fulfilled life 🙂

Yes, it can still work without some elements, but cracks start to show after the age of 40+.

4. Faster Transformation:

We have come a long way from the 1880s and Sigmund Freud (a legend in my opinion). Meaning therapy and getting over deep traumas, guilts, shames, fears, and "unstuckness" now takes minutes (not 1-2 minutes, more like 30-45 minutes), not years.

There are far too many outdated modalities out there that are really not helping anyone.

We have science now, and literally scientifically proven ways to do so. (I'm not a scientist, but I learn from them.)

Change can be fast if someone wants it to be – period. There's way too much fluff out there.

5. Commitment is Key:

If you want something, you've got to commit. Anything of value requires effort. And it's far easier if someone commits (later I learned you get 5x results in the same time too, a scientific fact – there's a book about it).

You see, our bodies store energy for important things; that's how we "push through."

So, if it's not important, meaningful, etc., if you don't want it long-term, if there is no real commitment, then it's an uphill battle.

Business is everything but easy. It can be simpler and easier, for sure. We've got to deliver the product – be great at that.

Then, be great salespeople or saleswomen (in person, webinars, etc.) – be great at that.

Then, generate leads – be great marketers.

Then, be our tax advisors – have at least some knowledge of that, plus the many joys of running a business like making mistakes ALL the time.

It's definitely not for everyone. Again, great desire, commitment, and effort are needed to make it.

Not everyone makes it.

The ones who do enjoy being spoiled.

Respect.

6. Mindset First:

Mindset first, skillset later – mindset runs the show. If there are no supporting beliefs in the right direction, no skill will matter.

I've done that too, got overskilled but never really excelled. Now I do use most of my skills, but in a very narrow focus.

Mindset tells which skills are needed rather than having a "spray and pray" approach. Easier, more effective, simpler.

Emotions and secondary gain run the show (decision-making process). In short, secondary gain is a need stronger than the need for survival.

Some examples: need for belonging, attention, superiority, control, time, connection, safety, comfort.

Closely look at all the decisions you make; you just might realize which "ones" run the decisions for you.

Secondary gain is awesome, but it has a ‘flaw’ – just like junk food. It's still food but makes us sick after some time. Secondary gain can be, and it will be, fulfilled in ways that don't serve us - if you’re unaware of it.

Some examples:

Attention:

The need to be seen, appreciated, admired, or acknowledged.

This is the craving behind:

• Overdelivering just to be noticed

• Overposting on social media

• People-pleasing

• "Look at me" behavior (even the subtle kind)

Authority:

The need to lead, to have power, and to feel in control of outcomes or others.

This shows up in:

• Needing to be the boss(not in a good way)

• Getting irritated when things are out of your control

• Always giving advice (even when unsolicited)

Belonging:

The need to feel like you're part of a group or tribe.

This is primal. As kids, we’d rather get punished than ignored – because rejection = death to the nervous system.

It shows up in:

• Going along with the crowd (even if it's not aligned)

• Saying yes when you mean no

• Joining groups or teams for connection over purpose

Control (and its twin: Freedom):

The need to influence your environment, outcomes, and schedule.

This is big. Most entrepreneurs and high performers are massive control lovers.

But here's the kicker:

🎙️ "If you say your highest value is freedom, what you really crave is control."

You can't feel free unless you're in control.

It shows up in:

• Overplanning

• Micromanaging

• Being a "productivity junkie"

• Struggling to delegate

You get the gist….

The trick is to fulfill secondary gain in the way which serves you and others - this is where you reach your full potential.

Not knowing them comes with a very, very high cost (paid that one too)

Anyways, I could do more writing, but this looks like it's a monster post.

Cheers!